1.17.2009

drumming the pride right out of me

"Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." -Proverbs 16:18 (NKJV)

Music has always been a big thing in my life. If you look at some of my older posts, you'll see all kinds of lyrical references. I love singing, despite being traumatized as a small child by people who reckoned this little kid could sing and stuck me onstage, and at least once ran off when I noticed the audience.

So I've had my time behind the mic. Nothing big, just fun stuff mostly. But a few years ago I found myself becoming frustrated when I wasn't allowed to sing in our church praise band. It wasn't for malicious reasons. Leadership at the time said they didn't have space, and I didn't push too hard. But I eventually realized there was more to it than openings, especially since I had to question my own motives in the end. I noticed pride pushing it's way to the surface, and it wasn't until I really got past some things and desired to truly live to glorify the Lord that I was finally allowed to take part under a new regime. Now I sing, to God and for God, in the band about once a month, which is more than I even asked for. All His timing.

So, a lesson there was learned. But occasionally I realize class on this particular topic is still in session.

A few weeks ago we drove 12 hours to northern Wisconsin for a high school/college retreat. This was my third year, but this time hubby and I both went along as sponsors. Even nicer, we also asked a friend who helped us get a little praise band together. Hubby wails on electric guitar, and I can keep a rhythm on drums, so we got a few other people together and a band was born.

Like I said, I can keep a beat, but this was my first time ever playing with an actual band. I took drum lessons for a brief while back in high school, and sometimes we jam in the basement just goofing around. But to do this thing for real with intros and outros and all that, I was pretty nervous.

I prayed a lot. I wanted to play skillfully for the Lord and do this thing up right for Him. I even found myself practicing rhythms to the ceiling fan in my cabin. My buddy helped cue me a lot, which was pretty much invaluable since I do everything by feel. He also recorded some sessions, so I got to hear myself and found I was really doing much better than I thought (partly because I didn't have a monitor back there).

So by the end of the week, I was pretty comfortable and getting braver. We were starting to seriously nail everything on "Indescribable," which got me really excited since I love that song so much. I thought the times of worship were great and things were looking good.

Then, on the last session of the last day, I looked out and noticed someone had a camera. They were videoing the band. They were recording me. So I got it in my head to do some nice little riff for the vid.

Not kidding, no sooner did I think that and go to do it than the drumstick not so much fell as flew out of my hand and landed in the absolute weirdest spot. Thinking fast, I switched my remaining stick to the other hand and and kept the rhythm while trying to reach down and grab the flyaway.

And then I just started laughing. Quietly, but I had to laugh at my own stupidity and pride and the whole situation and say, "Yes, Lord, I get it. It's all for you."

Thank God for His sense of humor and His gentleness in leading us to see our sin when we're actually paying attention. And I thank Him for His mercy, because I realize getting a drumstick knocked out of your hand is pretty generous compared to what I truly deserve and would get without His grace.

1 comment:

Ian said...

Haha, I remember this story...
I somehow missed seeing you drop the drumstick, though.